old pictures

What do you feel when you look at old pictures?

There’s a certain dazedness, a kind of numbness that engulfs me when I look at my old pictures. I wonder what made me smile as much, or not smile. I want to reach out to that moment, frozen in time, and bring it to life again.

I want to know those people again, understand them, as I understand myself more now.

I wonder what happened to the people in the pictures. Are they still pursuing their dreams of when we were 15 & had the entire world ahead of us. Or have they evolved, as, have I?

I don’t know if this is a futile exercise…. if anyone even connects the dots between the past and the present anymore. But as I pass by a playground and the chatter of kids reaches my ears, I can’t help but pause and ponder if 30 years from now will they all still be friends.

As adulthood snatches away pockets of time, we leave people, or they leave us. In the blink of an eye, you could lose yourself, fall into the abyss and never come out. Why then, is it acceptable for people to let others go?

In this momentary experience we call life, why are we not all out making & keeping connections.

Strangers seem more real, as the pictures of the past fade away into darkness and you’re left wondering if any of it really happened. If they were real.

And why then, even after feeling what I feel, I let the phone ring and never call back?